So this week has seen two of the UK’s biggest reality TV stars – Jordan and Peter Andre – end their marriage. At least until Kerry Katona thinks of something better to get on to the front page of ‘Bored Chav Housewife on Incapacity Benefit Monthly’. I guess now though Jordan will know that when people are shouting ‘look at those tits’ they’ll mean her breasts and not the couple themselves.

I can’t help but think it’s a publicity stunt somehow linked to this weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest, and they may dramatically appear onstage singing Buck’s Fizz’s ‘Making your mind up’. That would be horrific – sorry for that image in your head.

So this week has seen the beginning of a few new series in the UK and likewise the end of a few. The modern day version of ‘Knight Rider’ debuted on Sci Fi at 8pm, taking 252k (1.29%) for a double-length premiere, not bad ratings for Sci-Fi, which guest-starred ‘The Hoff’. I’ll be honest with you all – I missed the show’s debut in time for this week’s column. My Sky Plus is chocka block as you can imagine, and it was already double booked with the BBC2 documentary by Michael Portillo on man’s innate potential for violence (linked to my feelings on the ‘Heroes’ finale) and Prison Break. I will watch the repeat and episode two, if I make it that far, by next week! If anyone has already seen it, feel free to post up your opinions…

One show I did catch though was ‘Sons of Anarchy’ and I have to say I was pretty impressed. The show has a strong cast featuring ‘Hellboy’ lead Ron Perlman as the President of the Sons of Anarchy biker gang and stepfather of lead character Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnam who is linked with the new ‘Thor’ movie no less), Drea De Matteo (‘Sopranos’), ‘Married with Children’s Katey Sagal, and created by Kurt Sutter a writer on ‘The Shield’; who just happens to be married to Sagal. Nice move.

Banded around as ‘The Sopranos on motorbikes’ that seemed a pretty accurate analogy from what I saw, and as a fan of the hit mafia show (or Mafia hit show) I wasn’t disappointed. With plotlines already being set up such as questions about Jax’s commitment to the gang and what he sees as right and wrong morally, and the obvious deviousness of his parents Sagal and Perlman, it looks to be a go-er. Also with rumours abound that Henry Rollins is due to join the cast for future seasons the future looks bright!

One of my new favourite shows returned this week for Season Two, the awesome ‘Flight Of The Conchords’, and it made an impressive return to BBC Four according to the latest viewing figures. The first episode, which saw Jemaine and Bret decide to fire their manager, drew 412k (2.9%) for the digital channel between 10.30pm and 10.55pm, which is pretty good for a channel hidden in the back and beyond. Ok, the episode did feature Greg Proops – who I hate – but the songs were as funny as ever, especially the Advert for ‘Femident’, a female only toothpaste, and the deadpan banter between the two is always on the ball. A welcome return, and I look forward to the rest of the series!

‘Lie to me’ starts this week on Sky1 also, having already premiered on Fox in the US back in January this year. I’m all set up to follow it, however I’m not overly keen to be honest, as the premise – being able to figure out if people are lying due to their body language and facial ‘tells’ – is so similar to ‘The Mentalist’ that I’m already following on Five. I also don’t particularly like Tim Roth who plays the lead Cal Lightman. I don’t know why, I think I just don’t like his face; which again isn’t a good starter. I will give it a go however as it has already been given the go ahead for a second series with FOX, so may be a grower.

There’s always a mystery to be solved each week, but using Lightman as an independent contractor gets him out of the police procedural mode, which would differentiate it from ‘The Mentalist’. Lightman’s company attracts a variety of clients, from the military investigating a rape to a private business asking why a building collapsed. In the third episode, the Lightman Group is hired by a billionaire who wants to know if his potential fiance really loves him or is just after his money.

Let’s see how it goes, but I wish they’d hired Van Halen front man David Lee Roth for the role instead.

Ending its season this week on BBC2 and inexplicably returning for another was ‘Heroes’. I wish they’d just killed it off I really do, and once again this season’s finale was a major disappointment. Hole’s hole’s hole’s is all I can say, which kind of sums up the series from season two onwards. Why would you not use Claire’s blood to at least attempt to revive someone? Also, I think I witnessed what was probably the worst end of season fight scene ever. I say witnessed, they actually closed the door so you heard a fight scene but didn’t see anything, when it was crying out for a ‘Matrix’ style fight off. Great.

So now we have a bad guy thinking he’s a good guy in a good guy’s body who’s actually dead. Ridiculous. Kill bad guy – deal with death. Simple. Stick with Star Trek Zachary!

‘Prison Break’ too is all set for its two-hour finale. This airs in the US on Friday at 8pm on Fox, and next Tuesday at 10pm on Sky1 in the UK. ‘Prison Break’s ratings have continued to decline, with just 241k (1.5%) tuning in for the 10pm episode on Sky1 last week. Before its four-month break, the series had been averaging 476k. I think it’s pretty obvious that all those who have followed it from the off like myself are just looking forward to the end now; and we’d all switch off the life support.

Season one was amazing, one of the best shows I’d seen in a while and whilst the premise seemed ridiculously far fetched it still worked on screen. However each season has tailed off further and further and taken away from how good the first season was. This is the problem, when something starts to make money, like a new show or a fresh faced porn star, they’re overworked until they’re a shadow of their former selves, acting scenarios out aimlessly with no relation to their former glories.

Hopefully the finale will be a fitting end unlike ‘Heroes’ eh?!

Following the release of J.J. Abrams’s ‘Star Trek’ prequel, a new poll has seen Captain Kirk named as the best ever Star Trek captain.

The character, originally played by William Shatner, beat competition from Captains Jean Luc Picard and Kathryn Janeway to top the survey carried out by Totalscifionline.
“Kirk’s charisma and spirit of adventure, not to mention his success with the opposite sex, has ensured that he has become one of television’s greatest heroes,” said editor Matt McAllister. “Though every captain has his or her supporters, Captain Kirk still commands the most loyalty, 43 years since he first appeared on our TV screens.”
The top Star Trek captains are as follows:

• 1.James T. Kirk (Star Trek)
• 2. Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
• 3. Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)
• 4. Benjamin Sisko (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
• 5. Jonathan Archer (Star Trek: Enterprise)

This got me thinking about my favourite television Captains over the years, so in a poll conducted in my head, here are my findings:

Captain Scarlett, Captain Caveman, Captain Pugwash, Captain America

• 1. Captain Mainwaring (Dad’s Army)
• 2. Captain Darling (Blackadder Goes Forth)
• 3. Captain Stubing (Love Boat)
• 4. Captain Peacock (Are You Being Served?)
• 5. Captain Frank Hollister (Red Dwarf)

Any thoughts/alternatives then post them up!

Have a good weekend and make sure you watch Eurovision – in these times of poverty, hardship, and religious and cultural differences in the UK its always great to see how more retarded, backward and racist the rest of Europe are! Enjoy!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvQwXOCKNLY

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1. Kirk Says “I’m Not The Green Lantern”!
2. Star Trek Sequel Gossip!
3. Remake Alert! Cliffhanger!
4. JJ Abrams Talks Star Trek!
5. Simon Pegg Signs On For Ice Age 3!