Hello for another week!

I tell you what freaked me out this week – the images of that elephant getting stuck down a manhole. I turned over to that image on the news and for a split second i thought Jade Goody was rising from the dead live on air. Even worse, after i thought for a second the realization came that they could have been filming another ‘Jumanji’ movie. The world just doesn’t need that.

We’ve also seen Bill Clinton this week saving two captured journalists being held in North Korea. I say saving, it’s like rehousing Hurricane Katrina victims at the Fritzel’s. Why would North Korea allow them to be released to Clinton when they’ve never bowed down to anyone before? The only legitimate answers seem to be it was either the threat that Clinton would impregnate most of the North Korean female population thus rendering the country economically ruined and no longer a threat; or they think Obama’s even more mental than Kim Jong Il by sending him.

That’s news news – lets have a slice of TV news cake.

To me, one of the most exciting pieces of news this week is that Frank Darabont, the acclaimed director behind ‘The Shawshank Redemption’, ‘The Green Mile’ and more recently, ‘The Mist’, is finalizing a hefty contract with AMC to write and direct a series adaptation of the zombie-survival comic, ‘The Walking Dead’! God i love zombies – which is why i tend to veer toward their ilk at 3am outside nightclubs most weekends.

The character-based series follows a Kentucky police officer and his family along with a bunch of other survivors who work together in resistance of the world that’s been overrun with zombies. Although a zombie-themed book, the stories of ‘The Walking Dead’ are really about the people, their relationships and their development while trying to cope with this impossible situation.

Joel Stillerman, a VP at AMC said that the project will keep true to the source material and maintain the same tone of the books.

“This is not about zombies popping out of closets… This is a story about survival, and the dynamics of what happens when a group is forced to survive under these circumstances. The world (in ‘Walking Dead’) is portrayed in a smart, sophisticated way.”

The successful Image comic series is written by Robert Kirkman and has been released monthly since its debut in 2003. It’s famously known for its visual style of being only black and white; so hopfully the TV series will be along the lines of ‘Sin City’ or ‘The Spirit’. Exciting stuff!

The second massively exciting thing for me this week has been the news that Chris Morris, the satirist behind the legendary series’ ‘The Day Today’ and ‘Brass Eye’, is making a feature film! Myself and my friends were only discussing the other day what had happened to him, so im glad to find out his genius is being put to good use. In typical Morris style he’s decided to address another provocative subject matter; the film ‘Four Lions’ is about suicide bombers. Which isn’t to say he is taking jihad lightly: he has embarked on serious research, talking to everyone from police and security experts to imams and Muslim community workers.

Morris’s conclusion, according to the film’s producers, Warp Films, is that it’s a daft as well as a deadly business. “Even those who have trained and fought jihad report the frequency of farce,” the company has said. “At training camps young jihadis argue about honey, cry for their mums, shoot each other’s feet off, chase snakes and get thrown out for smoking … Terrorist cells have the same group dynamics as stag parties and five-a-side football teams. There is conflict, friendship, misunderstanding and rivalry. Terrorism is about ideology, but it’s also about berks.” Morris’s project, they maintain, “understands jihadis as human beings. And it understands human beings as innately ridiculous.”

Made with funding from Film4, Four Lions includes writing from ‘Peep Show’s Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain. It also features comedy stalwart Kevin Eldon as an armed police officer – although this is the only cast news i have at the moment. Ok it’s not ‘TV news’ essentially but im damn excited about that one. Its my column and i can write what i like, alright?!

Seth MacFarlane has been discussing the coming release of the next two Star Wars-themed episodes of ‘Family Guy’ in development.

The show spoofed the popular sci-fi franchise in 2007 with the ‘Blue Harvest’ episode, while the show creator plans to satire The Empire Strikes Back with the upcoming ‘Something Something Something Dark Side’.

He told Sci-Fi Wire: “Certainly the big worm coming out of the asteroid is a big comedy moment for us. The snow battle is kind of a nightmare, but we put enough jokes in there to sustain it.”

MacFarlane explained that the Return Of The Jedi episode entitled ‘We Have a Bad Feeling About This’ presented its own set of problems. He said: “We’re running out of Family Guy characters to add in. That’s why for Jedi we’ve used characters from The Cleveland Show and from American Dad.” That assumes that viewers will and do watch all three shows – many of the ‘Family Guy’ fans i know havent ever watched the equally excellent ‘American Dad’ let alone bother with ‘The Cleveland Show’ when it debuts, so hopefully this wont take away too much from the ‘Return….’ episode for those viewers.

Lets talk cash.

Charlie Sheen has been named the highest-paid actor on US TV for the second year in a row.

The ‘Two And A Half Men’ star who, along with Dean Cain i’m a cross between apparently, (or so a complete stranger messaged me this week) netted $860,000 (£520,000) per episode on the sitcom on which he also serves as a co-producer, according to The Daily Telegraph.

’24′ star Kiefer Sutherland placed second with $550,000 (£330,000) per episode, while ‘House’ headliner Hugh Laurie pulls in $400,000 (£242,000) for his Fox series.

The cast of ‘Desperate Housewives’ – Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Felicity Huffman and Eva Longoria Parker (who i look nothing like, apart from the stubble) – each gross $395,000 (£240,000) for their roles on the hit ABC show.

The women of Wisteria Lane replaced ‘Law & Order: SVU’ star Mariska Hargitay as the highest-paid females on television.

The voices for Homer and Bart Simpson (Dan Castellaneta and Nancy Cartwright, respectively) on ‘The Simpsons’ now make the same amount as the ‘Desperate Housewives’ actresses. Who says talent isn’t equally rewarded eh!?

Actor Greg ‘Matt Parkman’ Grunberg has revealed that he has been contacted about a potential return to ‘Lost’ for its final season.

The actor, who is on the regular cast of NBC’s ‘Heroes’, appeared in the series premiere of ‘Lost’ as Seth Norris, pilot of the doomed flight Oceanic 815. He also returned for a brief cameo in season four.

“If NBC will allow it, I will go back,” Grunberg told TV Guide Magazine. He added that producers had called to check his availability for a cameo in ‘Lost’s upcoming sixth season but has yet to receive any further information. “That’s literally where my call ended,” he said.

Former cast member Ian Somerhalder recently confirmed that he would be returning in some capacity for the show’s final run, while Dominic Monaghan has strongly hinted that he will be back.

In a further bit of ‘Lost’ info for the geeks like me, the producers of the show have revealed a Galaga reference in the series.

Speaking on the show’s official podcast, executive producers Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis said that they named a submarine ‘Galaga’ because of an ongoing addiction to the video game.

“All I know is that there was a lot of Galaga in season three,” Kotaku quotes Horowitz as saying.

“We wanted to name it the ‘Galaga’ because we were playing so much Galaga,” said Kitsis. “[We] would literally play for 20 hours a day.”

Horowitz added that the lack of an ending to the game meant that the pair spent too long playing it.

“The problem became that we both got so good at the game,” he said. “It just became too much of a time-suck.

“There was no kill screen, but by the end of it, it got to the point where we had both gotten so good that when one of us would start the game, our first man would take a half an hour and the other one would have to go off and do whatever.”

Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof apparently managed to get the highest score out of the team.

The final season of ‘Lost’ begins filming in Hawai’i this month for broadcast from January 2010. My excitement level is already on amber alert.

The producers of the ‘V’ remake are contemplating casting actors from the original series, apparently.

Scott Peters, an executive producer on the remake, revealed that actress Jane Badler, who played villainess alien Diana on the first series, may return to the update.

He told Sci-Fi Wire: “Jane Badler has approached our producers and has been in touch here and there.” – so literally begging for a role then. Give her ‘woman at explosion’ or something i say. Scrounger.

The show’s creators are also considering offering roles to Marc Singer and Faye Grant, who led the resistance against the Visitors in the original 1980s miniseries and television show.

He added: “I haven’t had a chance to actually sit down or talk to anybody face-to-face, but I would love to. I don’t want somebody to just walk by in the background and then feature them for a second. I want to find a really interesting role for somebody.” Listen….’woman at explosion!’

‘V”star Elizabeth Mitchell recently stated that iconic moments from the original programme will be retained for the remake.

I say if anyone deserves a cameo it’s David Icke – cos he really believes that it’s real. Thats proper commitment.

Fox has announced plans to air a ‘King Of The Hill’ finale.

The long-running US animated series was cancelled after 13 years in October when the network pulled the plug on the cartoon/sitcom.

The one-hour finale will be comprised of two back-to-back episodes on September 13, TV Guide reports.

The broadcasting of ‘The Boy Can’t Help It’ and ‘The Honeymooners’ instalments contradicts Fox’s recent announcement during the Television Critics Association panel that the show’s six remaining unaired episodes would not be televised.

King Of The Hill premiered in 1997 and chronicled the life of Hank Hill and his brood, voiced by series creator Mike Judge, Kathy Najimy, Pamela Adlon and Brittany Murphy – which i didn’t know until writing this piece. Makes sense she was Luanne now on remembering her voice. Nice that now shes a talented respected actress she has the ability to change to different accen….ahhh. Sorry.

So in my new tradition of recommending a few things from the coming week’s TV – here’s my recommendations for this coming week’s TV!

• First up, the poor mans me – Charlie Brookers’ ‘Screenwipe’ is being repeated on Tuesdays at 11pm BBC Four. Maybe one day ill get my own show on Wales’ channel 4 called TV Plop or something.
• ‘Deadliest Warrior’s first episode is repeated on Saturday night at 11pm for those who missed it, while the second episode ‘Viking v Samurai’ will be shown at 10pm on Tuesday. It’s kind of mental and doesn’t make any sense; but hey neither does that old guy you get a chase off from down the street.
• ‘Cowards’ is a decent comedy sketch show which is being repeated at the moment. For those who missed it first time round, or who like me liked it enough to watch again, it is on BBC Four at (.30PM on Tuesday

That’s it for another week, catch you next time!

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