Sheesh, I imposed this bi-week deadline and boy do I regret it. I’ve had trouble writing this column since I read that last one. It didn’t really leave me satisfied. Which is what my girlfriend must think because even though I wrote about The Informant, I got to see Twilight: New Moon. Which left me less satisfied than I must have left her, because, seriously, I must have done something really, really wrong to deserve that kind of punishment.

For those of you who haven’t seen it – don’t worry, I’ll hopefully spoil it for you – It’s crap. Yes, I know that’s not a critical word and this is clearly an impartial ‘review’ but really, it’s not a good film. At all. Not even for a small percentage of it, even when Michael Sheen is on the screen. (Side-note: what is he doing in this?) Anyway, the film runs like this: Pale and Broody Edward leaves Bella because he’s a vampire(!). So he goes off, even though they’re these star crossed lovers, and she spends the majority of the film brooding, then ‘being extreme’ (about as extreme as the Paramore soundtrack. Extreme for 15 year old Blue Banana shoppers. Boring for us real-world folk), by cliff diving and getting on a bike with a strange (yes, great idea to tell your demographic to get on a motorbike with some random biker when you’re feeling depressed) and then half-falls for the aptly named Jacob Black, who’s buff and never wears a shirt. But then again, so is Hellboy. And he’s awesome. Anyway, Bella uses Jacob to get over Edward, while he’s miles away, and Jacob saves her from all kinds of crap villains, then ol’ Eddie comes back and she chooses him over the wolfman and they’ll probably go on to have pasty kids in the third. Yawn-fest. The acting in this film is terrible, and I really don’t understand the fuss of it all, Stewart, who I’d only seen in her bit-part in Into The Wild was pretty good, I don’t remember her being good – which is far better than remembering her being bad. But Pattinson, who was pretty bad as Cedric in Harry Potter 5 & 6, is miles worse and a whole lot paler. So what’s the fuss? No-one swoons over me and I’m paler and broodier and can probably act better than him.

It didn’t make me as sick as other films have this year though, which I’ll touch upon my next column, which I feel may be a yearly round up. Boom!

To make things worse for my only cinema viewing in two weeks: James Cameron’s Avatar: The Game, sucks so much it’s actually taken a chink in my “Jim Cameron is never wrong” armor and I’ve taken to worrying about the film’s upcoming release. I’m a HUGE Cameron fan, Titanic being my film of choice (sue me), I’ve been waiting for this film for a while, and the game since I knew about it, but what a let down. It’s controls are extremely clunky and non responsive and it’s reticule is a huge circle, so even when your target is in the middle, you don’t always hit it – and even before you fire, health can be taken off them. It’s giant and repetitive and made to anger me. So after three levels, it’s staying on the game spindle. Probably lowering itself over time as it never gets played.

Comics for the week were pretty incredible, with Blackest Night finally showing me what I want to see – I’m sure I’ll write about that upon completion and the new Invincible Iron Man arc kicked off pretty well. Retro-wise, Transmetropolitan, is the book of choice this week. Mainly because ever since reading it, I wanted to be a journalist. And now I have a column, I may shave my head and become violent and crazy. Who knows.

Either-way, I hope to watch Me and Orson Welles this week. Although, I’ll pass it off as a girlfriend choice, because of the Efron factor. Will be doing the same with Nine. I don’t like musicals, period. But if Daniel Day Lewis deems this script worthy of his presence, I’m in. From the ground level. But that’s not yet. Soon. SOON!

Well, I hope this wasn’t as painful to read as the nine attempts it took to write.

See you in fourteen (and counting…)

Related posts:

1. Bi-Weekly Bugle – Issue 1