I hosted the advanced screening of The Twilight Sage Breaking Dawn Part 1 in our city last night and it was great. I mean the hosting part was great – the catering, the giveaways, the screaming Edward (Robert Pattinson) & Jacob (Taylor Lautner) fans – but the movie was a total bore. I’ve seen all of the Twilight movies, and so far, Eclipse has eclipsed them all. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t judge this latest installment too harshly since it’s supposed to be only “one-half” of the whole movie.

When the last two of the Harry Potter movies came out, people complained that Hollywood was just trying to milk the series dry by breaking the final book into two parts. When the second movie did come out, people shut up because it became obvious that the HP series had to be done the way it was done. This time, however, Hollywood truly is milking Stephenie Meyer’s last Twilight novel for all it’s worth.

In this first part of Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn, Edward and Bella finally get married (in fairytale fashion of course). Then off to Rio they go for their honeymoon where they have a secluded island off the coast all to themselves. They consummate their love, but Bella gets pregnant which is supposed to be impossible. A war between the wolves and the Cullen family vampires breaks out because of the “demon” growing inside Bella’s belly. As the “demon fetus” grows inside Bella, Bella gets weaker. The solution? Homemade bloody Slurpees. You know, the one’s from 7-11? The “demon” baby wants blood so Bella slurps some up from a straw in a Styrofoam cup. It’s quite funny actually but it works to strengthen Bella.

Finally, on the night Bella gives birth to her baby girl, Bella dies. To save her, Edward injects a vial of his venom through her chest plate. It doesn’t seem to work so he bites her neck. Then her wrists. Then her thighs. Then her ankles. Then back to her other wrist. Still nothing with Bella, so he tearfully leaves her to join his family to fight some wolves. In the end, however, the fighting stops when Jacob declares that he’s “imprinted” (meaning he’s found his soul mate) on Bella’s newborn daughter. In a wolf pack’s hierarchy of rules, the number one rule never to be broken is to never harm another wolf’s “imprint”. In this case, Bella’s baby girl which has become both the cause and end of the war.

Those last two paragraphs only really took about 30 minutes to take place. The other two hours or so of the movie was filled with boring, romantic dialogue with even sappier sounding background music. The musical scoring of this movie is probably the worst of the worst in this movie. The climatic war between the wolves and the vamps in the end was short and not sweet. In fact, it was poorly done since the scene was quite dark. It probably only lasted a bad 15 seconds or so. Not so climatic after all. There are some good parts. For the ladies, Edward shows a bit more skin. For the guys, Bella shows a lot more skin. There are also some quirky but funny comedic clips. Bella’s father’s wedding toast of threats made me laugh along with the way Edward would destroy the bed every time he made love to Bella.

When the credits start rolling, make sure to stay in your seat. Not only did the production company behind this latest Twilight film copy the Harry Potter double-finale, but they also copied Marvel’s after-credits sneak peek. Yes, the Volturi make an appearance here so stick around for that. As for me, since I’ve seen all the Twilight films already, I’ll probably go ahead and wait and watch the last part of the finale next year, too. I’d suggest the same for diehard Twilight fans as well. For the non-“Twihards” (yes, they have a name for it), read the book. Your own imaginations would do better.

Poster image courtesy of The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn site.

Related posts:

1. If You Are A Twilight Fan Who Hasn’t Read The Twilight Books Then Kristen Stewart Doesn’t Care About You
2. Twilight Screenwriter Talks about Bella Giving Birth
3. The Twilight Saga Was Almost An Action Movie Franchise
4. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Trailer
5. Penning the Twilight Movie Saga

Advertisement: