Anderson 4/18/12 Live Recap: Love and Fights

On today’s show, Anderson welcomes Dr. John Gottman, Co-Founder of the Gottman Institute. He is a prominent researcher on marriage and relationships, and says he can predict with 94% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce. Also, best-selling author Nicholas Sparks discusses his latest book to hit the big screen, “The Lucky One”. This and much more, so stick around for more of Anderson, only here on Nerdles!

Dr. John Gottman joins Anderson on stage, to share some of his insights regarding marriage and relationships. To start off, Anderson asks Dr. Gottman what is the one thing couples always fight about. The answer: absolutely nothing! It’s is always the little, inconsequential things couples fight about, things like who’s holding the remote. He says there are always better ways to address problems. He shares his tips on how to fight right: 1) State Your Positive Need 2) Listen 3) Repair – like a simple sorry would do wonders in a relationship.

Back on the show, Anderson invites some couples on stage, to discuss some of their marital problems. One couple says communication is hard for them, especially with the wife doing all the talking. Dr. Gottman shares that there are three things to never say when in an argument with your partner. First, don’t start with statements beginning with ‘you never’ or ‘you always’. Also, treating your partner like an equal or never say anything insulting to your partner is important. It’s important to talk to your partner like an equal, to be able to level with your partner in discussing matters.

Now, he shares the four negative patterns that predict divorce. First, is criticism. Dr. Gottman says that this is not constructive, as it winds up leading to an escalation of the conflict. Next, contempt is a best predicator of divorce, because this gives an air of superiority, and it is needed to show respect in a relationship. Defensiveness is the same way as running away from a problem. Dr. Gottman says it’s better to just go straight to the point to work together as a team to figure out a solution. Stonewalling, or known as ‘silent treatment’, is a very disruptive pattern.

Back on the show, Nicholas Sparks joins the show. He shares how the show, “Cheers” inspired him to give writing a chance. The show ended after 12 long years of running on air, and this length of time had hit him, realizing how time passes by so quickly. The following day after the show ends, he dedicated himself to writing a book, following a strict schedule of writing the book between 9pm to 12 midnight 3 to four times a week. Six months later, he had ‘The Notebook’ done.
That’s it for today’s show! Make sure you come back for more live updates on Anderson, only here on Nerdles!

Photo courtesy of Anderson.